When I pay attention, I notice that each day seems to have a certain message, a theme that is woven into its fabric and becomes visible to me when I look for it. When I keep my eyes open, I notice the signs offered to me by my surroundings. There are clues hidden everywhere. And when I remember to listen, each day seems to have something to tell me.
Yesterday I woke up feeling heavy at heart.
My thoughts were running in all kinds of directions and my mind was cluttered with worries. I was restless and frustrated, feeling like I needed to cross a lot of things off my to-do-list (in order to not feel like a failure). But I was tired and scatterbrained and I couldn't get anything done.
As the day unfolded, I started noticing a few subtle signs here and there. A friend posted an article on facebook called “To Anyone Who Thinks They´re Falling Behind in Life”, and I was particularly moved by this quote:
"Sometimes the novel is not ready to be written because you haven’t met the inspiration for your main character yet. Sometimes you need two more years of life experience before you can make your masterpiece into something that will feel real and true and raw to other people. Sometimes you’re not falling in love because whatever you need to know about yourself is only knowable through solitude. Sometimes you haven’t met your next collaborator. Sometimes your sadness encircles you because, one day, it will be the opus upon which you build your life.”
Reading this made me relax a bit, and I started breathing more easily. A moment later I stumbled upon this poem by Red K Elders:
”Our purpose in life is simply to be.
To do whatever it is for each of us uniquely
that allows love to flow through us -
to move along with that current.
Not sitting alone, embittered by the trials,
concerned with this or that is wrong.
Not wringing our hands darkly,
wondering what we need to be doing,
worrying about what has gone or what will be.
What if all humankind could be
like the flock of birds
startled into flight?
The rush, the crack, the whiteness
of feathers floating away.
Rising as one
in the swell of love.
Joyously moving and feeling together
that glorious fluid motion.”
As I took in the words of the article + the words of the poem, I noticed that they had very similar messages. Let go! they said. And there it was, the theme of the day, the sign that I needed. Trust that everything is unfolding in its own pace and that you are in the right place.
I could feel myself become softer and calmer while reading, the words showed me where I was stuck and gently guided me back towards my center. The clouds in my mind disappeared and I could walk more peacefully through my day.
I used to feel so separated from my surroundings, thinking that I was on my own and that I always had to figure everything out by myself. It was exhausting and lonely. But the more I pay attention, the more connected and supported I feel.
When I keep track of that which moves and inspires me, I see patterns, and these patterns are maps for me to follow.
I feel like I am a part of a conversation that never ends.
As I learn to listen, everything speaks back to me.